Epic Rap Battles Of History: Episode 8
by KJMusical
Summary: This is my 8th episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History: KJMusical Edition. This is... well, you'll see. R&R! Don't like? Don't read!


**Author's note: This is my 8th episode of Epic Rap Battles Of History: KJMusical Edition. In this episode, it's Scorpion from Mortal Kombat Vs. Twilight Sparkle from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic. I DO NOT own the ERBOH series or the characters used. The lines I use in the rap battle DO NOT reflect my actual opinions of things mentioned in the battle. Currently, ERBOH series 1 on Youtube is over, but there is a 2nd series on its way. Go check it out when episodes are released! Also, something new! What is it you may ask? I'm now describing visuals in this battle (and this battle only)! Also, something epic this way comes. What is it you may ask, again? Well, you'll see. Now, I don't know about you guys, but when I envision MK characters in rap battles, they are dressed in their original costumes from the first ever Mortal Kombat game created. Also, I'll be using beats from songs that already exist, just to add impact to the raps. Just listen to them and you'll see that they are good. So, ladies & gentlemen (and that includes all bronies & MK fans.), I now present to you, the most epic rap battle you'll see in your life (or at least, on this website). Well, it should be. It took me 47 pages in total to complete!**

Beat: Loud symbol crashes with eerie sounding choirs, low-pitched tubas and a drum rhythm that has the same stomp-stomp-clap sound as 'We Will Rock You' by Queen.

Epic Rap Battles Of History!

Scorpion…..

Vs.

(sigh)

Twilight Sparkle

BEGIN!

(Scorpion)

You being serious? I'm battling a purple pony?

(Walks out and the music stops, only to come back in a few seconds later.)

I'll give it a shot, I'll regret it when I become a brony.

Now listen now and listen hard, I'm gonna teach you something new/

Rapping against me is one of those things that you shouldn't do!

Your show sucks! I know it turns a girl's night to day/

But another side effect is that your show turns straight boys gay!

I'll tear your friends apart and leave their organs to rot on a shelf/

Then beat you so bad; by the time I'm finished, it'll be 2012!

(The beat changes to a softer version of the previous beat)

(Twilight Sparkle)

I'm no psychic, but I can already see your future/

Your verses so bad, your skeleton won't have a suture. (**Immovable joint**)

If I were you, I'd stop rapping right now, just for your sake/

Besides, the lyrics you make are so bad, it's givin' me a headache.

When I get dirty, I don't need to roll around in a puddle of mud/

From your game, all I see are flying organs and sprayed blood.

But that's it for me, I'm through playin' the Blame Game/

I will say however, if you lose, which you will, it'll be such a shame.

(The beat goes back to it's original gritty self)

(Scorpion)

It's you that'll be losing! My rhythm's just plain murder/

Let's play pretend, you'll be the sheep, I'll be the herder.

I'm a monster, you'll just be passed out on the doorstep of bars/

Your friends are Final Fantasy rejects, me and my crew are superstars.

I'll scare your friends to death, and lower the rate for your mortality/

Afterwards, I'll torch you, choke you then tear you apart like (FATALITY!)

Your show was all the rage, until the bronies hit the scene! /

Much of your fandom's so dirty, there really is no point in tryin' to keep it clean.

(Twilight)

Where's your evidence? Without it, you can't prove anything/

It's evident you can't rap, why don't you try and sing?

Hang on, excuse me? I beg your pardon? /

If you're dead, why aren't you buried in your back garden?

If Eminem's the king, then I shall be the queen/

Nobody would touch or even talk about you at all much like Charlie Sheen.

I'm only here from Equestria to help you inform/

That I make silver linings from your giant thunderstorm.

Who won?

Who's next?

You deci-

(Twilight Sparkle)

Wait! I'm not done yet!

(Scorpion)

This rap battles over, Sparkle! And I think I know who won this time.

(?)

You willing to bet?

(The beat suddenly changes to a hard dubstep beat that sounds like a mix of Midnight Run by Example and How Many Moons by Professor Green as the mystery voice reveals himself)

(Spike)

Yeah!

No mercy! Like my name's Percy! Your flow's the worse see/

Why don't you just sit down on the couch and watch Glee?

You're under our curse, you'll be trapped in a hearse/

I can snatch a purse and repeat my lines in reverse!

You can't tell circles from squares, victim of my scares/

I'm so fearful, I even give Freddy Kruger nightmares!

I'm blown out of proportions, you just cause distortions/

Our shows classy whilst yours is controversial like abortions!

(Music grinds to a halt and Scorpion and Twilight Sparkle looked shocked.)

(Spike)

What? I couldn't think of anything else that rhymes with distortions and packs a punch at the same time, OK?

(Suddenly, snow begins to fall and Spike & Twilight Sparkle begin to shiver)

(Scorpion)

Ah yes. I see my counterpart is here.

(Ice from the ground rises up to form a humanoid figure. There is then a grunt before the ice figure breaks. This reveals a ninja dressed the same as Scorpion but with blue colours instead of yellow.)

(Scorpion)

Sub-Zero, state your business here!

(Sub-Zero)

I'm not prepared to let my enemy be beaten by a pony and a baby dragon.

(Everyone looks at Sub-Zero, confused.)

I'll be rapping along side Scorpion OK?

(Twilight Sparkle)

Hey! That's not fair! Only one rap battle can make it on to an episode!

(Scorpion)

That's what you think pony! Normally you wouldn't get away with a team unless planned. But, if Kitty Katswell and Dudley Puppy can get away with it, I can too! Kill 'em with your lyrics, Sub-Zero!

(Sub-Zero)

It will be my pleasure.

(The dubstep beat comes back to life)

(Sub-Zero)

I'm cold like the winter but my lyrics are hot as the summer/

For me and Scorpion to lose to you would be a massive bummer!

But it's impossible 'cause my rhymes are killin' ya/

You're spillin' your lyrics while I'm chillin' ya.

What goes round comes back around, Me and my crew are gonna run your town/

Straight into poverty! After that, this is how things will go down.

You'll run outta time and I'll rip out ya spine! /

Then I'll let Scorpion cook you and we'll eat ya whilst drinkin' bottles of wine.

(Sub-Zero throws his arms into the air and two large sharp icicles grow out of the ground next to him.)

(Sub-Zero)

What do ya have to say 'bout that? Hmm?

(Spike and Twilight Sparkle are both shocked.)

(Spike)

To be totally honest, I'm speechless. I don't think I'm going to be able to top that!

(Twilight Sparkle)

Me neither.

(Scorpion and Sub-Zero ready their powers and weapons as they slowly advance on Spike and Twilight Sparkle, reading to kill them)

(Spike)

Wait! I-I-I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean those lyrics I said.

(Twilight Sparkle)

Alright, Alright! You win! We give up! Please! Have mercy!

(Scorpion)

Don't give me that "We give up, have mercy" bullcrap! We're gonna grab your faces and slam them from surface to surface until your heads crack open and your brains lie all over the ground! And I don't care if anyone intervenes, we'll just kill them too!

(Twilight Sparkle begins to tear up as Spike starts to whimper)

(Sub-Zero)

Then afterwards, we'll both crack a bottle, let our bodies wobble and then shove them in your faces 'cause you think you're module!

(Both Twilight Sparkle and Spike look up)

(Spike)

You serious?

(Twilight Sparkle)

Those aren't even your lyrics.

(Scorpion pulls out the blade from his spear)

(Scorpion)

You son of a-!

(Scorpion lunges to stab Twilight Sparkle who screams at this, but is blocked by a white hoof. He is then knocked back by another white hoof before Sub-Zero is knocked back by a kick. They both look up to see…..)

(Spike & Twilight Sparkle)

(In unison) Rarity!

(There is Rarity standing over Scorpion and Sub-Zero.)

(Scorpion)

Who are you, abomination of The Elder Gods?

(Rarity)

My name is Rarity and I am no abomination!

(The dubstep beat comes back for the third time)

(Rarity)

I am high-class and you're just a ragged wreck/

So, If I were you, I'd treat myself with respect.

My lyrics are burned to a crisp, yours are just mild/

I'll beat you and then finish you by turning you back into a child! (**Babalities**)

We make so much Hitz, people call us Chase & Status/ (**Group of the same name**)

We've yet to put are show through the stages of hiatus!

We've seen so many faces, We've been to so many places/

All you are is just all the unworthy spaces!

(Spike and Twilight Sparkle cheer at Rarity's rap, the beat is still going as well. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning shoots down and Raiden appears)

(Raiden)

A rap battle I see? No pony shall cause the suffering of a kombatant and get away with it!

(Raiden fires 2 bolts of lighting skyward from his hands before rapping)

It's difficult to see you all in the state of success/

By the time we're done with you, you will all be headless!

Your ego's so massive, it can cause a solar eclipse/

And don't start fighting with us, you'll only bring the Apocalypse!

I'm here to avenge all the teen boys from the sanity you drove/

The only cutie-mark I need is your blood on my robe!

My rhythm will crumple on impact when it hits you head-on/

And I know for a fact, that you and your friends won't survive Armageddon.

(Suddenly, Pinkie Pie arrives with a shocked look on her face)

(Pinkie Pie)

I don't think I like you guys. I'll destroy you with my lyrics!

(Pinkie's expression turns from shock to determination and anger)

I may look innocent but there's nothing sweet about me/

Take another look at me and prepare to be the more deceived!

I believed my tail just twitched, something's gonna fall/

And that 'something' is your popularity, career and all.

Once I'm done, I'm throwin' my friends a party/

And it's a shame you're not invited but you look like a smarty.

We're popular because we have at all no gore/

Therefore, it'll be us that'll win this lyrical war.

(?)

Wanna bet?

(Sonya Blade)

My name is Sonya, officer of U.S. Special Forces/

And in case you didn't notice, I'm not capable of loving horses!

I'll spit my lyrics, mutilate your face then slit your throat/

Then I'll peel off your skin and make myself a new coat.

Not to mention, you're girly pink! I don't know what to think! /

And where do you come in evolution, you and your friend's a missing link?

Play with me and you'll end up like a victim of Child's Play (**The movie**)

Now here comes Liu Kang, with Dragon Fire to blow you away!

(As if on cuie, Liu Kang appears and shoots a Dragon Fire at Pinkie Pie as the music abruptly stops. The blow knocks her back and burns her nose. When Pinkie Pie stands up, she places her hoof onto her nose, shrieks in pain and runs towards the others crying. Liu Kang grows a cruel smile on his face)

(?)

How dare you.

(Liu Kang, Sonya, Raiden, Scorpion and Sub-Zero start looking round for the source of the voice. Then, an enraged Fluttershy emerges from the ground)

(Fluttershy)

HOW DARE YOU!

(She then marches up to Liu Kang before continuing her rant.)

You listen here you shirtless hooligan, I don't care from another universe or came here just to make everypony look bad and your team look good, but nobody, and I mean NOBODY DARES HURTS MY FRIENDS!

(Everyone on the Mortal Kombat team looks shocked)

I mean, who do you think you are, coming round here, hurting innocent ponies? Huh? It's not nice and you should be ashamed of yourself!

(Liu Kang dips his head in shame.)

That's just what I thought. Now what have you got to say for yourself?

(Liu Kang then looks back up at Fluttershy's glaring face before turning back to face the others. All have determined looks on their face. Raiden just nods at him before he turns back to face Fluttershy.)

(Liu Kang)

What do I have to say to myself? You want to know what I have to say to myself? Oh, I'll tell you what I have to say to myself.

(Suddenly, the beat changes to 'Buzz Lightyear' by Ry Legit as Fluttershy looks surprised.)

(Track)

Buzz Lightyear to the rescue!

(As Liu Kang raps (rather faster than the others), he makes an advantage towards Fluttershy, forcing her to walk backwards)

(Liu Kang)

I'm surprised that a little weak yellow pony had the nerve/

To stand up against a xiaolin monk whose verses'll make a road so slippery, any car on it'll swerve.

And crash much like your friend Rainbow Dash, when she got both drunk/

And high and she crashed into the Lusitania and made it sunk.

I'm not apologizing, your voice is just agonising and you sound like a cat/

Who just choked on a rat whilst breathing helium, now what do ya have to say about that?

(The music stops suddenly)

(Fluttershy)

I-

(Track)

Buzz Lightyear-

(Liu Kang)

Nothing, I thought so. It's not so good being driven round the bend and on the other end/

Of the hook. So just save your breath in which you waste. The more you spend

The more kids suffer. What? You gonna cry to your mother or hide under your cover?

You're a yellow coward whose trying to be tough, I'm the REAL trash talker/

I'm a lyrical stalker, I stand a lot taller than the legs of a walker

From War Of The Worlds. Speaking of War Of The Worlds, this is what this is! Do you know what I'll do? /

I've harmed your friends physically and now, I'm now gonna do the same thing to you!

(Liu Kang uppercuts Fluttershy as the music stops on impact. She flies in the air before landing hard on her back. She slowly stands up.)

(Team Mortal Kombat)

(Taunting) Oh what's the matter? / What are you gonna do now? / You gonna go cry to your mommy? / Come on chump! / Our lyrics will destroy you!

(Team MLP)

(Encouraging) Come on Fluttershy! / You can do it! / We believe in you! / You can't let him get away with that! / Now's your time to fight back!

(Fluttershy gets an enraged look on her face as she walks up to Liu Kang)

(Fluttershy)

So, it's gonna be like THAT huh? Fine, I gave you a warning, but you just went over the line!

(The beat changes to Noisia's 'Machine Gun 16bit Remix')

So you think you're clever with your mutilation of beats? Well, I ain't sweet, I'm sour/

And as Kanye West once said, No one man should have all that power!

I spend every hour, just perfecting my rhymes like wind chimes!

Jealous? You should be! Nervous? You must be/

If you think you'll win against a face-off with me!

Unfortunately for you, your play time's over you fool/

'Cause when I spit, I spit acid! I don't spit drool!

I'm a rapper that's sure to rule, you and your friends/

My verses lead the way, yours lead people into dead ends!

It's pretty obvious that you don't at all know whack/

So give it up for the rawest pony and my friend Applejack!

(Team MLP begins cheering as Applejack walks up. The beat goes back to its original self.)

(Applejack)

Yee-haw! Now it's my turn to shine! /

I'd give ya a challenge but you're almost outta time.

I'm a hard worker with my gran, sister and big brother/

All ya'll do is dismember, decapitate and smother!

I'd love to work things out but I've got beats to destroy/

Once I'm done with ya, ya'll know my rhyme ain't a toy.

My raps are flawless, your rapping is just a mistake and blunder/

(?)

Just call me the Pentagon Thief 'cause I just stole your thunder! (**Type of zombie on COD: Black Ops**)

(Just then, Johnny Cage, impersonating a Pentagon Thief from Call of Duty Black Ops, runs up to Applejack and whilst imitating its growls, snatches the microphone off her.)

(Applejack)

(Whilst walking off) So rude!

(Johnny Cage)

Remember me? My name is Johnny Cage/

If you don't like what you see, then you can just turn the page.

I've been in millions of movies and won plenty of awards/

You have a show that's at the moment, causing forum flame wars!

My rapping's produced as beautifully as all my movies/

Your raps, as much as you try, have hardly any uses.

Your raps are like computers, 'cause all you do is lag and crash/

So why don't you go back home and have lesbian sex with Rainbow Dash!

(The beat grinds to a halt as Applejack looks shocked. At the same time, Rainbow Dash herself walks in, also shocked. The two exchange glances at each other and the others before Rainbow Dash speaks.)

(Rainbow Dash)

Well if you're gonna be like that, you better be ready for retaliation! So, come on! Who's gonna challenge me?

(?)

I will.

(Kano emerges from the crowd of MK characters)

(Rainbow Dash)

Very well.

(The beat comes back)

Well then guys, what do we have right here? /

A criminal who's trying to be Terminator of the Year.

Feeling rather heartless? No wonder you're in pain/

You need a vacation; you should take a trip on a train.

Just look at your clothes! Don't you know they're so out of style? /

You need to lose some pounds. Why don't you go run a mile.

You really think you'll win with all the beats you abuse? /

There's just one little catch: I never lose!

(Kano)

Whoa God! It's Rainbow Dash tryin' to make my rhymes hazy/

Angel wings? Rainbow hair? Were you designed by a baby?

(When Kano mentions Rainbow Dash's wings, he slams his fist down on them. When he mentions her hair, he forcefully grabs and pulls it.)

I've heard of people with mad hair, but this is ridiculous! /

With looks like yours, I don't even care about being meticulous.

Sonic Rainbooms? Who cares! It sounds rather stupid/

And what's your problem? Did you steal your wings from Cupid?

You act like a boy. No matter what, you're still a girl/

All your cuteness from your show makes me wanna hurl!

You think my abuse of lyrics is all that I can do? /

Well, you should see what Palcomix did to you! (**Palcomix is basically a group that makes hentai comics and pictures**)

(He whips out a scrapbook of Palcomix MLP FIM pictures. Rainbow Dash takes it off him, looks at a few and gasps in shock. Others look at the pics and are horrified)

(Rainbow Dash)

You know something? You don't have to show that kind of thing to me. I don't care about your rap battle anymore, I quit!

(Rainbow Dash gives the scrapbook back to Kano and walks off with her group. Kano does the same with his. The beat stops upon this moment. Then a roll of thunder rumbles and both groups stop.)

(Twilight Sparkle)

Princess Luna?

(Scorpion)

Not another rapper.

(Both groups slowly up to the skies as Princess Luna lands between them.)

(Princess Luna)

What's going on here?

(Pinkie Pie)

It's them! They disrespected, assaulted and tormented us all!

(Princess Luna turns to the MK group)

(Princess Luna)

Is what Pinkie Pie saying true?

(?)

What does it matter to you?

(Shang Tsung emerges from the group.)

(Princess Luna)

A lot! And if you're not going to tell me, I'll just have to force it out of you!

(Shang Tsung)

You're on, ugly!

(The beat from the very start returns)

(Princess Luna)

So you think that you can do better than me at rapping/

Well, just look around you for the truth, nobody is clapping!

I'm all black, purple and blue, the true colours of evil/

You wear red and yellow. Those colours belong to Bin Weevils! (**Online game and chat website**)

You don't have what it takes to be on Mortal Kombat's team/

But I'm not dumb because I can see through your scheme!

You walk onto battle fields, thinking your raps are cool.

But you gotta know, it's really you who will be playing the fool!

(Shang Tsung)

You were taught wrong! You're trying to put a inferno with another fire/

When we take over, you all will become slaves in my empire!

Your teams so flawed, I'd call them blundered!

Why are you dressed like King Leonidas? This isn't 300!

My rapping's so cold, it'll leave your body feeling numb/

You should really think twice, before deciding to call me dumb.

I'm the pesticide on the corpse, you're just a maggot/

In fact, let's make-believe, you be Polonius, I'll be Hamlet.

(Suddenly Shao Kahn appears)

(Shao Kahn)

ENOUGH! What is going on around here?

(Shang Tsung)

Lord Shao Kahn, I was protecting your reign from the dark Pegasus Princess Luna.

(?)

Who's to say my sister's dark?

(Princess Celestia emerges in a bright light)

(Shang Tsung)

I do!

(Shao Kahn)

My warriors shall NOT BE BEATEN BY A BUNCH OF PONIES! I challenge you in a rap battle like everyone else!

(Princess Celestia)

Very well. Challenge accepted.

('Ready Set' by Parametic begins playing as the two ready their rapping. They begin when the drop hits)

(Track)

Ready, set, go!

(Princess Celestia)

I would be your friend, but you don't at all look nice/

You'd probably beat me, not once, not twice but possibly trice!

I'd tear you down in rapping any day of the week/

I'll emerge victorious, your chances of winning are bleak!

My rhymes among Equestria are legendary and classic/

Your team's lyrics were written and drafted by warriors that were high on acid!

Don't come to Ponyville if you ain't got no new tricks/

Besides the red cape and skull helmet was so 1066!

(Shao Kahn)

Kahn runs the world you sissy! Now what you gonna do? /

When I give commands for my armies to sick their weapons on you!

Forget the rainbows and all the innocent cutie marks/

I'll destroy all of Ponyville and burn down all the parks

I'm getting enraged, so I'm gonna bomb you endlessly like Pearl Harbour/

Then rip out your skeleton and turn it into a suit of armour!

My skills will be too much, I'm make you overwhelm/

And just an FWI, I once owned an entire realm!

(Princess Celestia)

Really?

(Shao Kahn)

Yeah.

(Twilight Sparkle)

You owned an entire realm?

(Scorpion)

Yep, he did.

(Applejack)

So...?

(Shao Kahn)

Yep, a WHOLE realm. Yep, Emperor Shao Kahn.

(Rainbow Dash)

Oh, then why aren't you…..?

(Raiden)

He got banished recently.

(Spike)

Sorry to hear that dude.

(Shao Kahn)

No problem. But seriously, what's your problem? I mean, what's your next episode gonna be all about?

(Celestia's about to say something but Shao Kahn interrupts her.)

More personal conflicts that only friendship can solve? Oh man! It's not like anybody's tried that before! Oh wait, except for 2 My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic seasons in which they both failed! Good plan.

(Rainbow Dash)

Well just look at you! What's your next game going to be about?

(Shao Kahn)

I-.

(Rainbow Dash)

Wait! Don't tell us! Let us guess!

(Spike)

More gory violence?

(Rarity)

More sub-plots involving revenge somewhere?

(Pinkie Pie)

More characters created to probably never be used again?

(Celestia)

Well, it seems even Ex-Emperor Shao Kahn is flawed! I mean, those plots haven't been tried out before.

(Rainbow Dash)

Oh wait. Except for 10 Mortal Kombat games in which THEY failed!

(Shao Kahn)

Hmm, touche.

(There is then a silence before an instrumental version of 'Hitz' by Chase & Status Feat. Tinie Tempah plays)

(Scorpion)

Just know that all your cuteness is just making us sick!

(Twilight Sparkle)

All the blood and gore leaves us jumping off the walls like pogo sticks!

(Sub-Zero)

The only result that'll come out of this will be your death!

(Spike)

All your games and films look like the ending of Macbeth!

(Raiden)

By the time we're all over, for you there won't be a happy ending.

(Rarity)

You should snap back to reality and just stop pretending!

(Pinkie Pie)

This battle won't be over until there's one side standing!

(Sonya)

You're all getting grounded, prepare for your career's crash landing!

(Fluttershy)

The only sound we'll be hearing after this is your frustrated groaning!

(Liu Kang)

We'll be going on with any mercy. So you should stop moaning!

(Applejack)

This ain't gonna be smooth, so ya better hold on tight!

(Johnny Cage)

We won't be surrendering until we emerge heroic from this fight!

(Rainbow Dash)

Your raps are broken down, ours are just pure murder!

(Kano)

We'll leave mics in flames like an oversized Bunsen burner!

(Princess Luna)

When we're done with you, all that'll be left are your ghosts!

(Shang Tsung)

With all our powers, we'll kill you all and hang you from posts!

(Princess Celestia)

I am part of royalty, you should treat me with respect!

(Shao Kahn)

Respect is over-rated! You'll be our victim of abuse and neglect!

(Scorpion)

Wait, this isn't working. We can battle like this for years.

(Shao Kahn)

Yeah. What's the point in rapping…

(everyone pulls out their weapons)

when we can murder you with our bare hands!

(Princess Celestia)

Bring it on! We're not scared of you!

(Shao Kahn)

ATTACK!

(Princess Celestia)

CHARGE!

(Both armies charge at each other. But just as the armies clash, Twilight Sparkle stops)

(Twilight Sparkle)

OK, it's over now.

Who won?

Who's next?

You decide!


End file.
